I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm so tired.
I can't think. There's so much to do, but I can't think.
Everything aches. The thought of walking up the stairs . . I have to THINK about walking up the stairs, knowing the effort of it will fatigue me when I reach the top.
THIS is CRAZY! This is discouraging. This is fibromyalgia.
I HATE it. It robs my days. Seven hours of sleeping yesterday. I should be feeling better today! It thwarts my plans. It makes me feel like everything is tentative. Nothing sure. It makes me feel so out of control. So useless. So sad.
I know the answers to all these feelings. I know the truth. They've been anchors in these days before. They're just so hard to find sometimes. To relinquish my control. To accept His sovereignty, even in this.
Em comes over and places her hand on my shoulder. Thinking she wants something, I look up and ask,
"You," she says softly.
"What about me?"
"Your persevering. Among boxes, and paint, and kids, and husband. It's inspiring."
My heart hears hope in my daughter's words, even as it opens to the truth.
Not only is He sovereign, but there is purpose to all He does.
I accept His will, believing again that He brings beauty from ashes. My worth is not in what I do. It's in whose I am. I am not useless. He's accomplishing His will in me and mine.
Even in this.
Still so much to give thanks for . .
87. Em's encouraging words to me
88. Em's encouraging words to her brother away at school
89. His Word that does not return void
90. celebrating Daniel on his 18th birthday
91. knowing "as my days, so shall my strength be" Deut. 33:25
92. peace and hope for full days ahead
93. walk with Josh Saturday evening
95. insight into a son's heart
96. Jeff's days off
Labels: 1000 gifts