green monster jealousy and your cousin envy

you puff up and tear down simultaneously in my soul

someone else receives my accolades
why, what is wrong with me

humming siren songs of pride, purpose, and place
in these uncertain waters
you cast out promises of security and confidence

but what looks like a life ring is really an anchor

disillusionment, striving, and fear

drowning, gulping, grappling beneath these waters of comparison
my efforts to speak only result in choking . . slowly . . suffocating my soul

I ask myself, "And why am I doing this?"

green monster, little cousin
you've stolen my purpose, my motive, my heart
keep your cheap praise, your criticism, and condemnation

I'm swimming to dry land and the shores of humility
there my feet find level ground and stability
there I learn from my peers, no longer my rivals
there I create, dream, write, speak
in the clarity and warmth of the sun

goodbye green things