I hadn't been at this blogging thing long when I discovered what seems to be an inherent temptation in the blogging world. Comparison.
The temptation to compare is strong whenever someone is pouring themself into something they care deeply about, but what I find unique to blogging is the incredible vulnerability. It feels like walking blindfolded, except instead of not knowing where you're going, you don't know if you got there.
Did my message reach the faceless women I'd hoped it might encourage? Did it make sense? Did anyone even read what I wrote?
Just when I was ready to give up for fear of futility, in came a myriad of devices to confirm my worth and that of my words. Comments. Followers. Email subscriptions. Stats that would tell me how many came, what they read, how they found me, and even where they came from! I was just beginning to feel the wind fill my sails again, when I realized, "Other blogs have these nifty devices too."
SNAP . . I was trapped in the clenching jaws of comparison. I've managed to wrestle my way free time and again, but the temptation is there every time I sit down to read another blog.
As I struggled with this temptation, I wrote:
green monster jealousy and your cousin envy
you puff up and tear down simultaneously in my soul
someone else receives my accolades
why? what is wrong with me?
humming siren songs of pride, purpose, and place
in these uncertain waters
you cast out promises of security and confidence
but what looks like a life ring is really an anchor
disillusionment, striving, and fear
drowning, gulping, grappling beneath these waters of comparison
my efforts to speak only result in choking . . slowly . . suffocating my soul
I ask myself, "And why am I doing this?"
green monster, little cousin
you've stolen my purpose, my motive, my heart
keep your cheap praise, your criticism, and condemnation
I'm swimming to dry land and the shores of humility
there my feet find level ground and stability
there I learn from my peers, no longer my rivals
there I create, dream, write, speak
in the clarity and warmth of the sun
goodbye green things
Romans 12:21 says, "Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good." So in light of this admonition and in my determination to conquer comparison, I introduce you to . .
Beginning next week, every Thursday I am going to share with you one of the amazing women I have met through blogging. These are people who have enriched my life with their words. Their blogs are all unique, and I can't wait to introduce you to them!
My hope and prayer is to create a community here each Thursday where we prefer one another and cheer each other on in a very real and practical way. So be thinking about whose blog you'd like to share and join me next Thursday!
Labels: Sister Blogs