This past weekend was one of the highlights of my life. Seeing WINSOME come to reality was my dream come true!
It went even better than I'd hoped, and the response of the women who attended was overwhelmingly positive.
I came home exhausted, thrilled, and grateful.
But as the fatigue I'd held at bay for 24 hours began to take over, so did my emotions.
And they were NOT positive.
I'm sure being so wiped out had something to do with it, but I went to bed Sunday night unsure, insecure, and weepy.
When I woke up Monday morning, I wasn't feeling much better.
I felt guilty for my emotions. God had answered my prayers above and beyond what I'd hoped for.
What was wrong with me?!
I remembered hearing about an exercise Andrea Anderson, one of our speakers, had led the women in during a breakout session.
She had them write a letter to themselves from the perspective of Jesus and what they would hope He'd say to them.
I figured it might help me make sense of some of the conflicting emotions I was feeling.
Even more, it gave me some insight I thought was worth sharing with you.
I know you're feeling a strange mix of emotions this morning. That's okay. You've walked into a new place in your life . . not unlike the children in Narnia suddenly finding themselves in a strange and wonderful land. It can be scary, and you're struggling to make sense of it all. Totally normal, so relax.
Quiet those thoughts that are chiding you for feeling anything but the joy and thrill of the weekend. I know you feel joy. But I know you're also feeling fear, fatigue, regret, and even jealousy and frustration. Yes, even the ugly parts of your heart are here.
You thought they might not be. That somehow this land of dreams come true would extinguish your insecurities. Wrong. No dream, no matter how wonderful is strong enough to carry your identity. Sorry to let you down.
Not really. I don't like to see you disappointed, but I'm absolutely unwilling to let you find your beautiful soul and it's worth in anything but me and how I see you. Who I say you are. That's the only safe answer to the question that won't quit being asked, "Am I loved?"
I may use your dreams to answer your question just like I use your sorrows. They are all my pen on the paper of your heart. I'm writing you a love letter as you walk out your days, dreams, disillusions and desires.
It's a beautiful letter, and I want you to read it a thousand times a day if you need to. It's my heart, my joy, my delight, and MY desire and dreams for you. Don't try to replace it with ANYTHING no matter how wonderful that thing is.
I'm proud of you. It brings me great joy to see you in this land of your dreams. It's what I had in mind when I was creating you. And just like I wove you together in your mother's womb, I have woven the circumstances and days of your life to create this dream.
You have labored, but always remember dreams come from quiet places in the heart. From still, small, voices. From the places you hear me.
So be still a bit, and know that I'm God.
And I love you.