on daddy's shoulders, a photo by rachel_jessee on Flickr.
Josh's graduation May 24.
Daniel & Hilary's wedding one week later on June 1.
Emily & Ethan's wedding July 6.
My book proposal.
5:15 (the non-profit I'm pursuing).
Opportunities to speak and partner with other individuals and organizations.
The boys and their education.
I vascillate between exhilaration of all you've done and are doing in my life and the certainty that I'm a fool making foolish choices and on a sure course to "crash & burn."
Honestly, I'm not sure which to believe.
This life feels overwhelmingly blessed one minute and totally out of control the next.
Could it be both?
I've always taught how you like to put your people in tight places so when you show up there's no doubt it's you and not anyone else's well laid plans.
A part of me wants to loosen my grip and ride giddy atop your shoulders . . tall, precarious, thrilled and absolutely full of trust.
But then there's "responsible" me. She's not near as much fun, but she seems so safe.
She wears me out though. Constantly evaluating and judging our circumstances by what is lacking.
You've lived here a year, and there are still boxes to unpack.
The boys' rooms are a mess! What are you doing spending your whole morning just sitting around talking with them?
How many piles of mail are you going to let pile up?
You'll never dig out from underneath all this neglect. What's wrong with you?
How could God be in this mess?
I need a nap.
Or maybe I should get sassy and talk back.
Yes, it's been a year since we moved in. And in that year how many people have come and gone for parties, tea, lunches & dinners, events, weekend visits? None of them seemed to mind the boxes. This house's function is to bless us and others. And it functions fine!
My kids WANT to be with me and talk . . enough said.
The piles aren't going anywhere. I'll get to them.
Maybe I've neglected the house, but it was because I chose the people in it. If I have to choose between people and perfection, give me people.
God is in this mess, because He is in me. He'll perfect the things that concern me in His time.
God, could you bend down so I can climb up?
Let's go for a ride!